Apparently, I’m ugly.

True story.

On my way to class today (I’ve just wrapped up a screenwriting course… part of #3 on my List) I was driving in heavy Spadina traffic (those who live in Toronto are so feeling me right now) and narrowly missed nailing a cyclist. By inches, I tell you, effing inches.

My heart beating so fast I could hear it, I gave him a honk- what else was I supposed to do? Then I heard a swift, “fuck you bitch!” To which I replied, “You’re going to get hit asshole!” To which he replied, “fuck you bitch” once more. Not very creative, if you ask me.


Livid, and sweating at the pits, I continued to drive. At that point my cyclist (I’m getting possessive here now) CUTS IN FRONT OF MY CAR and gives me the finger. I lie not. “Don’t think I won’t hit you asshole!” I say as I keep driving. (Note: my windows are rolled down the entire time and I’m driving at ice-cream truck speed, so no big deal. Kind of.)

At the next red light, my cyclist whisks by again and says, “Fuck you, you ugly c***!” To which I replied……
“Your MOTHER!” before pulling away.

I mean, who was he calling ugly?

On to better things…

Today I took a vital step towards completing #2 on my List and purchased the OFFICIAL MOTORCYCLE HANDBOOK.

I can’t set my sights on a shiny new Vespa without first reading my shiny new handbook.

moto guide

Notice the BlackBerry-photo quality is back.

I was confused about what “type” of motorcycle license I need, so I called a professional: My local Vespa dealer (what, you thought vehicle licensing office? No chance. I only have a year to complete this mission, after all).

moto guide2

Again, the quality of this photo impresses you. I can feel it.

I learned that there are two types of moto-licenses: “LSM” (aka: Low Speed Motorcycle) license; and “M”, which is for the big bikes, Harleys, whatever. Not sure I can picture myself on a Hog any time soon, but I do feel a Vespa in my future, so the LSM it is.

Feeling good. One step closer to crossing #2 off my List. Not bad for the eve of my 29 birthday and the kick off to a year of reinvention.

I wonder though, do Vespas come with horns?


Filed under Turning 30, WTF

2 responses to “Apparently, I’m ugly.

  1. Ashley the sister

    Can I just add, Mom taught us to yell

    Sandy, when you assertively said “Ash, I gotta let you go, I need to fight a cyclist.”
    I believed you.

    True story.

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