(actual phone conversation…)
ME: I’v been meaning to call for a while now. I’m just not happy with you anymore. What you’ve given me.. it isn’t working, not like it used to.
HIM: Well, let’s see if can change that.
ME: I hope so. Otherwise I may have to walk away. This is just costing me too much, and I know there’s better out there.
HIM: Like what?
ME: More options, more fun.. my friends have told me.
HIM: Well, why don’t you start by telling me what you want.
ME: I want something new. Better.
HIM: Well, I don’t know that I can…
ME: Look, let’s just say I’ve shopped around. There are others… and I’m prepared to walk away from-
HIM: Let me see what I can do…
ME: If I can’t get what I need here, I’ll leave. It’s that simple- I’ve thought about doing this for some time.
HIM: But that will cost you…
ME: I don’t care- it’s worth it to get what I want. I just thought, after all these years, my loyalty, that you’d (long-ish pause). I’m just not satisfied.
HIM: Well, you have been loyal and you’re right, that deserves something.
HIM: Ok, I think we can fix this. Just give me a few minutes to process this.
ME: If it means getting what I need, take all the time in the world.
And THAT is how you get your fucking cell phone company to send you a FREE iPhone in the mail.
You got any tricks?