In the last two weeks, this blog has enjoyed a new slew of readers (thank you), but this triumph doesn’t come without its consequences.
Searches in which pervs people have discovered reinventing sandyb:
1. nude under 14 (er, three times. gross.)
2. nude jazzercise sex.com (yep, one big ‘ol search term)
3. stupid shit to say
4. up close touch dont stare
5. bad breath in school
6. dont’s on nudebeach (um, not my spelling)
7. perks of turning 30
…And with that, I bring you the following post-
Perks of turning 30 include (but are not limited to)
-Getting carded at the liquor store feels awesome. Grrrl, you still got it.
-When you come up with a good idea in a meeting, no one discounts it because you’re “that 20something bitch who always has something to say”.
-You get drunk twice as fast. (This is a bonus feature of turning 30, because it also saves money for shoes.)
-You can buy expensive shoes with the money you saved from drinking, and nobody judges you. You’re a woman now – you don’t just need Christian Louboutin pumps, you fucking deserve them.
-You will qualify as a ‘cougar’, which could make the next few years of your single life very interesting and totally worth living through, despite the fact that all of your stupid friends are getting married this summer. Bitches. Apparently, the cougar lifestyle has its perks. I’m married and won’t dabble, so please, email me about the 24-year old “guy” you’re seeing who fights fire for a living, has a bachelor pad and totally has those lower-abs-side-cut thingys like Brad Pitt in Fightclub. I want to live vicariously through you.
-When you ask the bartender to make your martini “dirty” he doesn’t slip you his number, but he does raise his eyebrow.. and you like that.
-On your thirtieth birthday, you get to throw a bad-ass party ALL FOR YOU. (I mean, finally, I get to throw a big, expensive thing without having to share it with “the groom”. God.)
So there you have it. Hopefully some lucky 29-year will Google this bad boy and not feel so frump about her 30th. As for me, buying expensive shoes is going on the List, because after having to read “nude under 14” three times this week, I fucking deserve it.
What weird searches do people find your blog under?